Just to add to my previous post

by annex50

I just wanted to say that what I wrote in that previous post, I am trying to adopt.  Not just the move to USF and pursuit of a new degree, but to actually free myself from my previous path.  Getting rejected from Panera Bread and batting a stunning .000 average, I just realized that I cannot escape the fact that no restaurant will hire me as a manager because of my 1 year layoff and somewhat obvious change of heart regarding my career.  I can’t fake what is true.  But, to really feel free from that.  To say to myself, “I am not going to pursue that career anymore,” has been freeing.  I remember when I was “fired by email” from Bennigan’s, I had a similar feeling.  I played a song that some of you will make fun of that day and it was Natasha Bedingfield’s “Pocketful of Sunshine”.  I played it over and over and these are the lines that I celebrated:

“Take me away (take me away)
A secret place (a secret place)
A sweet escape (a sweet escape)
Take me away (take me away)
Take me away (take me away)
To better days (to better days)

There’s this place that I go
Where nobody knows
Where the rivers flow
And I call it home
And there’s no more lies
And the darkness is light
And nobody cries
There’s only butterflies.”

It was such a euphoric feeling to know that my life was really going to get better.  I hated where I was and the person I was becoming.  This was not bad for me, although I did drag the Area Director who fired me into the mud repeatedly to our CEO and to our regional managers after he acted so cowardly and unprofessionally by firing me by email just because I voiced legitimate complaints.  I sent so many emails to all of them.  I even received a call from the regional manager and we argued for over two hours and it felt so good to tell him off.  I really did, in an honest and somewhat civil way, of course.  Free.  Free.  It felt so good.  I know it seems that I am over-dramatizing but I would find it difficult to recreate the feeling I had that day.  I am trying to embrace that same feeling today.  That life is over.  I may be qualified and maybe could make ends meet but I can’t go back.  I am through with learning the lesson that I have learned more than once… Don’t go back to your previous place.  Stop repeating the same mistake.  I have moved from Gainesville to Tampa multiple times and pursued paths that didn’t work for me and mostly because I was too afraid to make a change.  It is so hard to leave your experiences and routines behind.  If you are really to evolve, don’t you have to do so.  Should you be so hardened that you can’t just let it all go?  If you can’t let it all go, can you at least let go what holds you back.  The thoughts, the people, the jobs, the places, the hurt, the disappointment, the failures, the…  It has to stop.

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