I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live.

by annex50

It’s pretty awesome when you have an uncontrollable ailment that no one takes seriously or can provide any kind of actual help for. The time is up. My ears just need to listen and not to positive spin but to my mind’s reality. The facts I can write down. The answers are to just deal with it or try a step-by-step plan and they don’t solve the actual condition.

There are no real heroes in this world. Caring for another person doesn’t mean you have to carry someone on your back through a burning building. People have real issues and they very often are never resolved. It’s not because the person doesn’t want it to be solved. Perhaps, their environmental and biological circumstances are just not able to be properly navigated.

Oh, it’s always a “woe is me” kind of attitude that I have. After all, why can’t I be just like you and live in your shoes with your problems? Then, I’d have a challenge, right? As someone stated on my trip here, the United States is a homogenous culture. We are a melting pot of different cultures, races, and ideas. However, this may be the fundamental flaw that we have as human beings. It’s nice to think that we should all get along and be tolerant and then work the same jobs and converse in meaningful conversation. But, it’s this very drive to the middle that confuses people.

If you are an introverted person who doesn’t have a particular passion for a solitary career (where you can work alone without much social interaction), then what are you to do? Well, you must develop your social skills! After all, a career is part of survival. Finding a mate can be also, especially if you have kids or are not very financially well-off. Finding a mate has become equally as muddy.

To some, the mind and body are just not that important. There’s that hope whether it be in religion or in a blissful dream that there just may be something more. However, if your mind allows for any doubt, what is there to hang on to when misery envelopes you on a daily basis? Is it merely laziness or the fear of pain that prevents you from killing yourself? Or is it that ridiculous idea that there is some euphoric fantasy out there that you might just pass up? I don’t know but I need to stop hitting the snooze button. My time is up.

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